This is not an original composition - I have picked it up from some friend’s notes on FB. And I love it…
I will not return calls. I will show off. I will live beyond my means. I will be a pathological liar. I will be brash. I will be abrasive. I will be rude. I will be nasty. I will make false promises. I will serve paneer in 21 different ways when throwing a formal dinner party. I will bow down, touch feet and take blessings of all those who are even a year older than me just for the express purpose of collecting loose change. I will wear zircons and claim them to be the finest diamonds. I will rhyme every other word like whisky shisky and think that I am very witty. I will be crassy not classy. I will obsess over Bollywood. I will worry myself sick if Shah Rukh Khan breaks his toe nail. I will stalk Priyanka Chopra when I move to Mumbai. I will do my best to produce a Bollywood movie even it wipes out my family´s fortune. I will feel that I am stunningly good looking. I will equate fair skin with beauty. I will try my hand at modeling. I will try my hand at acting. I will be shallow. I will tell one and all that I know the Prime Minister´s pedicurist. I will believe that dancing at weddings is more important than finding a cure for cancer. I will hire a choreographer to teach me how to dance at weddings. I will make a total ass of myself dancing at weddings. I will take credit for other people´s work. I will look down on people who make less money than me. I will mistake kindness for weakness. I will have diarrhea of words and constipation of ideas. I will hit rock bottom but I will continue to dig deeper. I will raise land grabbing to an art form. I will bow down to Vaishno Devi, the symbol of woman power, in the morning and womanize in the evening. I will be proud of the fact that my city has the highest rape rate in the country. I will tease women and it is my moral right to do so. I will pull all the right strings to get me out of jail if arrested for eve teasing. I will be a dress designer if I am a woman. I will be a property dealer if I am a man. I will be a wheeler dealer. Period. I will claim to be a businessman but will not disclose what exactly my business is. I will be a fixer. I will be above the law of the land. I will subvert the system. I will carry at least 9 mobiles on my person at any given time. I will do my level best not to think. I will stop others from thinking. I will shut my brain down. I will argue not using facts but the decibel level of my voice I will refuse to admit that I am human and can make mistakes. I will derisively refer to all those who live South of the Vindhayas as “Madrasis.” I will brag about the flyovers, malls and call centers in my city. I will conveniently forget that all the flyovers, malls and call centers in my city are built with the help of taxes generated by other parts of India . I will not pay my taxes. I will try my best to be a thug. I will mention my name, followed by the words “this side”, to announce myself on a telephone call. I am a Delhiite.